Worst Bride Ever

So here’s a post I kind of feel like you have allllll been waiting for, which puts my stress level at like 100 but its okay I’m fineee lol. Today I’m sharing our first official wedding updates (eek), my first round of wedding related fears (double eek), my new associated anxiety that I just don’t understand (EEEEK) & how I’m managing all of that craziness while running a business by myself and trying to not drown in all the bridal bliss. ITS FINE I’M FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE.

In lighter news, I’m also going to introduce (or maybe reintroduce) you to Zola my goto guide for getting me through all these new found feelings associated with the wedding and steering me in the right direction.

Hi nice to meet you, I’m the worst bride ever

So as some of you know because I talk about it on Instagram, stories or when I meet you IRL I’m kind of the worst bride ever. I didn’t grow up dreaming of my wedding. it doesn’t have to happen in a specific month, venue or time of day; my dolls never walked down the aisle and I never wore the veil in my backyard to get fake married to my next door neighbor. None of that is to throw shame at any typical girl who did, in factI envy her.If I’m being realllllly honest I wish I had all these preconceived ideas of what my wedding would be, because since the moment I said yes people have been asking, begging, pleading for updates and I don’t know what to tell them because I’m still figuring it out.

Hello Anxiety

I’ll be really honest againwhen I say I’m not an anxious person. Until I had a close friend who faced anxiety it was a really foreign concept to me. I also don’t get nervous or embarrassed by being in the public eye or put on display (obviously lol) I’m happy with who I am and happy to share it especially if it makes someone else happy to! SO when I’m stressed about something I just push through or when I’m overwhelmed with my ever growing to do list I just pull an all-nighter and tackle it. But somethings (like a wedding) are notthings you can do over an all-nighter, and that kind of thing gives me this (new) anxiety and weird pressure I’ve never felt before.

I actually didn’t even understand what it was when I first started feeling it and would just push it away burry it down deep and do ANYTHING to forget about it which obviously only made things way worse. Once I finally accepted that I was anxious probably because: A) I’m about to try and plan what is supposed to be the biggest moment of life in a space (the wedding world) that I know nothing about, B) in a city where I have only lived for a few years and have no family in all while doing so in a very public setting (my blog) and C) I’m expected to share all of the details along the way like I’m some kind of pro at this? AH! ANXIETY!!!!! My first reaction was maybe I wont share. I wont talk about the wedding on the blog or this associated new anxiety. Soon followed feelings of guilt associated with the wedding anxiety because that’s a very positive thing in my life that I shouldn’t feel these feelings in association with. So after feeling anxious, pressured, guilty, aloof, and eventually anxious again all before setting a date I landed here: 1 – I should share all of this & our wedding story (okay it will probably be a saga) because if I’m feeling this way on some scale, probably others are too; and 2 giving yourself crap or guilt for feeling how your feeling won’t solve the problem, just make it worse. Instead woman up, address the issue and (most importantly) ask for help.

So HELP.

Zola, Hi, pleased to meet you!

We selected Zola for all our wedding needs thus far because out of all the options I’ve explored it felt the most cool, new, easy and modern which is kind of what I need. Also it was the only site I didn’t feel ovehwelmed after looking at. I could breeze through it and think: hey I can do this! It actually made me feelbetter and not worse, which so many others did, eek. After reviewing a few together we felt that the Zolafelt the most like it was matched for our personalities and style, so it would be help us to take stress off a bit. We’re most excited to use all the free tools included (its way more than just a registry site) especially the whole wedding planning suite.GIMMIE!

Wedding updates

So again with all the honesty, I don’t know much about our wedding yet. Summer is one of my craziest times of the year (even busier than holiday in some cases) and I rarely have time to sleep let alone dive right into wedding craziness. BUT here is what we do know for now. And this is allllll subject to change

Location – Were planning on a New York Wedding but not totally against the idea of a destination one either.

Guest List – Both of our families are not from New York (Paris’s is in California, Arizona and throughout the south, mine is mostly in Arizona and a little in Wyoming with some friends in NYC and California). Paris has a realllly big family where mine is pretty on the small size. I’m stressed about how much it is going to cost for everyone to travel and stay in NYC so that’s why I’m open to a destination wedding since a lot of places are more affordable than New York. If you asked me last year I would have said a NYC wedding without a doubt, but as we start to look into the logistics of getting everyone here and the fact that you can’t really rent a big house for us all to stay in for the weekend (well you can but it will cost you more than I want to spend on the wedding). No matter where we land I’m excited to use the Zola guest list here because I think that will be a big stress point for us. Bridal Party Here is probably the only place where Paris and I disagree. He really wants grooms man, way too many for my taste, but I don’t want bridesmaids. I’ve been a bridesmaid and it’s not always fun. It’s expensive, someone tells you what to wear, you got to stand the whole ceremony and spend the whole day getting wedding ready not my favorite. I don’t really want to put my friends through that, and yet when I told them I didn’t want bridesmaids everyone gets upset so we’ll see if I cave.

Venue I’ve explored a few venues and I haven’t been blown away by anything. I want a nontraditional venue, like the Carrie Bradshaw idea of getting married in the library if Carrie hadn’t already done that and made it a major thing that everyone does now. I want a space that isn’t traditionally for events, something special, new and exciting: unfortunately google searching those terms hasn’t turned me onto anything epic but I’ll keep hunting! Paris hasn’t done much more on the venue front but I’m pushing him to since he’s so good at that stuff, I know the second he starts looking he’ll find something fantastic.

Date Paris wants all this to happen next year, which we’ll see. So much of that is tied to the venue, I would plan the whole wedding around the right venue without blinking. #COLORMECUTIES – here is where YOU come in. Paris and I are planning on launching a whole road to the wedding series sharing each epic milestone along the way and giving you guys ways to cast your votes and participate while helping us make real wedding decisions. EEK. I love this idea (Paris came up with it) because it lets me include you guys in a really unique way and I really don’t hate that it puts some decisions in your hands! Anywho, stay tuned!!

Our Wedding Relationship Status: It is clear that we’re still in that newly engaged stage and trying to figure out what traditions are right for us. Because of my epical bridal fail status I’m really relying on ZOLAto help usher me through each stage of this crazy time. I would be kind of lost with out them. SinceI knowI know nothing the Zola wedding planning checklisthas become my BFF. No matter what stage of the wedding cycle you’re in YOU NEED THIS. Zolathought of everything so you don’t have to.

What we agree on: our wedding will be a little bit unconventional yet modern with a serious splash of color. We’re both pretty open here, which is refreshing because I’m usually pretty bossy. We’re just really excited to do this together since we’re not coming in with crazy outside ideas. And I’m honestly looking forward to continuing to create a home while planning our wedding registry with Zolabecause I loveeeee the idea of planning a life together more than planning a wedding!

We’re late to the party on the engagement celebration, but thinking of having a party once we announce the bridal party / venue / date and all that great stuff. I’m currently brainstorming THEME ideas (you know I love a theme) do you have anything you would love to see? If so leave a comment below.

WELL I hope that wet your wedding appetite for now. Stay tuned for the launch of our series & more updates SOON I promise.